Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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