so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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