I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
BRING THE BAGELS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
