Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Sober January is a disaster.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Shame - the story of my life.
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