so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
