After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
