Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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