You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
