i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
