I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
