Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
