If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
