This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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