Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
