i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
