Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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