god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
