Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm always down for nudity.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
