Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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