I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
