i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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