I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
