I cannot find my penis.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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