What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
