Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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