I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
