The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
