oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my liver is dry heaving
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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