I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
