Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
