Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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