just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
