a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
