i was rollin on her like bob the builder
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
