Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize