sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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