lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
