What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
