pop tarts are not kleenex
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
