I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
