i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
