Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize