Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize