how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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