like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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