he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
