I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
