thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
