he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize