i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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