i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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