I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
