Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
