I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
