If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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