He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize