I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
