I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
In America we eat man semen.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
