the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
