i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize