After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As shirtless as possible
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
