I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
