I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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