living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
