I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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