turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
