He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
