i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
