saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
