I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize