I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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