I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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