We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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