Plan B is the new Plan A
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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