Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
