The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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