I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
