The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
