you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
