I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just crazy horny about you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
